Yep, you read that right.
Today, it’s been announced that Jamie Allen, who recently signed a new deal with Halifax Town, has decided to put his career on hold and pursue a spot on Love Island. I’ve never watched Love Island, but I get what it is; a chance for fame-hungry fit people to act like promiscuous teenagers before having five minutes of fame and a lifetime of regret. Still, already Jamie Allen is big news because of how he’s gone in there; he might get ten minutes of fame. Woop.
We’ve had our brief flirtation in the past with reality TV. Ryan Amoo once dated Jade Goody of Big Brother fame, whilst Tom Kilbey (you remember him) was also on Made in Chelsea. I also recall Harry Toffolo signing for the club and people telling me about his reality TV star sister, who wasn’t his sister, as if there was only one family called Toffolo in the world. That is probably about it, but what if it wasn’t?
What if we could match some of our current squad to reality TV shows? I’ve thought about which ones we might send where, but do you agree?
Hunted – Joe Walsh
I loved Hunted, it’s a programme where you have to disappear for the duration of the show, and eventually try to get to a certain point in the UK. I had romantic notions about going on there myself, until I realised I’m not great at camping and have a problem asking strangers for favours.
I think Joe Walsh would be brilliant on the show. After all, he’s hidden from Imps fans for pretty much the duration of his time with the club, so I’m sure evading the team on Hunted would be second nature. Unless they checked the physio room, of course. Or unless he had to run twenty yards to evade capture. Ok, he wouldn’t win the top prize, but he could be a contender.
I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here – Chris Maguire
Ok, when I planned this article, I had two banging choices, and this is the second, so don’t expect much after this! I’m pretty sure you get the gist of this one; Chris Maguire is definitely looking for a way out of the jungle that is Sincil Bank, and he is a bit of a celebrity because I think he once played for Sunderland. He also went viral earlier in the year, and that never happened to Tom Hopper, did it?
It did? Oh. Right.
Big Brother – Max Sanders
Is Big Brother still a thing? I used to love it, back when I had no taste. As I recall, it was a show where you were stuck in a house doing pretty much nothing, and every so often, an overlord called Big
Apple Brother set you tasks that you could never pass with promises of a prize you never got. Is that the gist of it?
If so, step forward, Max Sanders. He was constantly promised a chance last season, never got it, and was called out in post-match interviews more than referees last season. I think he’d be great on Big Brother.
The Great British Bake Off – Charley Kendall
His name’s Kendall, and that’s also the name of a cake. Yep, that’s all I’ve got right now.
Lewis Montsma – Love Island
Jamie Allen, who, right? Look at the man. He’s chiselled from granite, the jawline could be used to cut diamonds, and his hair has walked straight out of a shampoo advert. Hell, he used to be a model, and we know he’s also in good shape. This is the sort of specimen that Love Island needs, a sophisticated European with swagger (when he brings the ball out of defence) and grace.
Pah. Jamie Allen.
Strictly Come Dancing – Ben House
When Ben House got his first appearance for City, it was obvious he’d got talent. He caresses the ball and can work a way out of tight situations. Micahel Appleton called them ‘soft feet’ at the time, and that’s a good description. Your Grandad might have called him Twinkle Toes, and if those feet are soft enough to wriggle out of a defensive spot, perhaps they’ll be sufficient for dancing around the ballroom on Strictly.
Just Tattoo of Us -Ted Bishop and Adam Jackson
Yeah, that’s right, there’s a reality show called Just Tattoo of Us. Genius. I wish I’d known about it before. I wouldn’t watch it, my life is too valuable to watch other people doing silly shit other than a Saturday afternoon, but I’m sure it’s cool. Anyway, I think Ted Bishop and Adam Jackson should go on there. Both have sleeves on one arm but not the other, so I think they would make a good pair.
That is my lot – can you think of any more? I did have Made in Chelsea for Liam Bridcutt because, well, he started at Chelsea. I also had Dancing on Ice for the entire defence, because that’s what they did for most of last season.