If My Grandmother Had Wheels: Four Alternative League Tables

Credit Graham Burrell

With the season over we desperately need to find something to fill the summer break with, writes Tom Morton.

Traditionally the main summer activity is speculation on the transfer window and, hopefully excitement over the new signings. But what else can we occupy ourselves with?

As you’ll probably have spotted from Scout File I love statistics. I’m also a Software Engineer by training, and all of the season’s data is kicking around in free APIs. I mean, it’s only natural to come up with some “alternative” league tables for 22/23.

Now I’ll say upfront. Obviously, it’s just for fun and doesn’t really mean much – but some of the tables you’ll see are really quite interesting. It’s also worth pointing out I haven’t set out to pick tables that cast the Imps in a particularly positive or negative light. More on that at the end…

What I have tried to do is pick a few things that you might not see on the football stats websites (with the exception of the first one, as you’ll see) and with the aim of highlighting intriguing things about the season. 

The original plan, by the way, was to have an “excitement” league table that was calculated from a complicated algorithm of goals, performances, cards given, etc. As with all great ideas, though, it quickly stopped being “exciting” and mostly became tedious. So we’re ignoring anything complicated and going with the basics – a phrase I’ve heard plenty of times in the stand this season….

Anyway, the end result is four league tables that take a different view of the season. For each one, I’ve highlighted the promoted and relegated teams, as well as where Lincoln landed, alongside some analysis.

So, without further ado, let’s get into The Stacey West 2022/23 Alternative League Tables! #UTI